Remain Silent: Remain Stagnant

This week: I’m wrapping up a busy week over here… fulfilling client orders and finishing up a wedding that is due next week. I shot the promo for minis (sold out!) and also created a little art while I was in the studio. I was cranky and particularly wiped out that day… It’s been a beat since I’ve created for myself and it’s mentally and physically exhausting. Often when creativity strikes, I’m busy with client work or other scheduling issues and then sometimes when I have the time, I just feel meh about it all. Good news is, despite my mood that day, I’m pretty stoked with the images and I’m looking forward to sharing them. I used my girl, Sarah Rogo, as musical inspiration for the series. Her new album Smoke & Water is out and the song Which Wolf specifically spoke to me. Go listen. Just Do it.

School functions & activities for my daughter have been in full force. I can feel the momentum & energy of fall upon us. I am sooooooo excited for the eerie season to begin, and plan to use it as inspiration for new creative work - because fall is just the most wonderful time of the year and well, I’ve already had my Halloween decor up for 2 weeks.

Musings: As I continue to try do ‘all of the things’ and to not constrain myself to a box, I get reminders here and there that not everyone will get it, or me. This experience is familiar though. I’ve felt misunderstood since, well since I can remember really… I’ll spare you the long version, but when you stick a Southern California girl in a tiny midwest town of 800, as a child, you’ll know what I mean… I constantly felt misunderstood. Luckily, that experience also gave me 40 acres to roam free, connect with nature and animals and really be alone to reflect and create. Perhaps a survival tactic, perhaps wise at the time, but that deep desire to fit-in and just meld with the others silenced my voice - it was inevitable.

“The more you gain by pretending, the less you’re actually going to have.” - Genie

It wasn’t until recently, and almost a decade of shooting weddings later, that I felt OK with the vulnerability of sharing my voice again. Actually, scratch that… I wouldn’t really say I was ‘OK’ with it - it was inevitable. When you push something down long enough, it just kind of starts to bubble over, and then well… you have the decision to tightly screw that cap on again OR just let it flow. This morning Brooke Shaden wrote a great reminder that our voice is really all we have as artists, and if we remain silent, we remain stagnant. The thought of not making anyone feel anything good or bad, is absolutely terrifying to this enneagram type 4.

So, though it isn’t my forte, and though I’m awkwardly treading water over here I am attempting to GROW & go with the flow.

-C


“In the end, the fluctuation of followers and the validation of strangers should never be enough to sustain a career of stagnation. Let go of the need to be validated by ever-rising numbers and a constant stream of positive vibes. Art can be much more powerful than that.” - Brooke Shaden

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